So much has been written about managing conflict at work. On training courses, when students get to the conflict management part, you can see some of them glaze over or repeat the mantra: Competing, Accommodating, Avoiding, Compromising, Collaborating: the 5 well-know styles for managing a bust up.
That’s a problem. Conflict happens because we are all different and because those different ideas sometimes clash at work. (And at home, but that’s a different article.) We need to know how to ride out a challenging meeting or discuss opinions with our colleagues without coming to blows by the coffee machine. Perhaps it’s the low level disagreements that cause the most trouble at work: whether one project gets prioritized over another, or who should be allocated to work on the high-profile, overseas initiative that’s up for a project management association award.
Most of what we deal with at work isn’t going to prevent gang violence in our cities or turnaround the situation in the Middle East, and while the standard ways of managing conflict are solid and proven, sometimes you just need some simple techniques to keep the conversation going mid-meeting.
Here are 5 simple ways managing conflict.
1. Be Polite
When you’re hunkered with the rest of the Board in a three-day strategy retreat, or holed up in a project war room with colleagues you’ve known forever, sometimes the level of familiarity tips the wrong way. Your colleagues can be friends but even friends deserve a level of politeness in your interactions.
In fact, maintaining common courtesy is a good way of keeping conflict at bay in all situations because it helps prevent misunderstandings and keeps the setting professional
2. Own Your Mistakes
Made a mistake? Admit it, apologize and move on. People don’t like it when they can see you were obviously wrong and you’re unable to say it. It looks dishonest and it breeds mistrust; as trust is fundamental in resolving conflict you should do what you can to keep trust levels high in the team.
Being honest in other areas helps conflict too. If you can talk openly about what you want to happen you’ll reduce misunderstandings and better manage expectations in the team. Clarity and good communication can stop some of the smaller disagreements before they even start.
3. Actively Promote a Good Working Environment
It’s hard to have an argument with someone who has just brought donuts into the office. Keep the atmosphere as light as you can and make work a fun place to be. Be aware of the culture in the office and what motivates your team.
Getting to know everyone as individuals can help you tailor your interactions more carefully. You need to be able to turn on the seriousness when clients and projects demand it, but a healthy working environment with a good deal of respect will go a long way to ensuring conflicts are dealt with quickly when they arise.
Saying thank you and making sure people know that you appreciate their efforts on the team are simple ways of keeping morale high.
4. Draw out Conflict
Be alert for signs of imminent conflict. When you spot it, try to draw it out. Conflicts tend to fester and if you can get involved early you can work to resolve the problem before it turns into something larger.
Bring the relevant parties together for a chat: talk about what’s bothering them and how you can together resolve the situation satisfactorily. A quick intervention at this point can prevent a longer, drawn our exercise to resolve issues later.
5. Show Empathy
We don’t know what’s going on in the head of someone else, and it’s often not possible to even make an educated guess. The systems tester who turned up to work in a grouchy mood may have been up all night with an even grouchier toddler, or lost her wallet on the way to the office, or be worrying about a health issue or almost anything else.
Assumptions are often the start of conflict situations, especially if you assume someone will act in a certain way and then are disappointed when they don’t.
It’s a cliché, but try to put yourself in the position of the other person. What are they going to want to get out of this interaction? How is it making them feeling? And if you don’t know, it’s OK to ask.
Be compassionate and think about the affect your actions are having on the team. This is especially important in times of significant change such as when you’re moving to the next level of PMO maturity by introducing new tools or changing the strategic direction of the company. These can be unsettling times for the people in the organization who aren’t as familiar as you with the rationale behind the changes. Change can put people on edge, and a team of people who are uncertain about their future roles in the business can fall more quickly into conflict than a team of people confident in their ability to contribute effectively to the organization’s success.
Every team is going to hit conflict at some point – whether that’s in agreeing the requirements for a project or in how project delivery is going to be done. Having some techniques to rely on when that happens will help you get the team back on track. Ultimately you don’t want to have to wheel out the conflict resolution manual when things get sticky. Your goal should be for your conflict management techniques to become second-nature; tools you use as part of your daily repertoire in a way that feels comfortable and natural instead of forced.
On projects you should definitely get enough practice for that to become reality!